it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
