arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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