I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
