Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
