Apparently you make a good broom.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
