I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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