The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
