my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
