time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
