Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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