It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
