ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
