i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
