Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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