We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
