They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
