too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I didn't notice because vodka
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
