on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We had sex on a dog bed..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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