he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
