Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
