I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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