We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
