Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
