Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
