guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
