I hate your face
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
