i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
