kristin has been a bad kristin
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
