let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
