My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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