I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
