it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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