Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
