I smell stomach acid.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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