imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
