No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Boobs speak an international language.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
