I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I cockslap morals
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
