she looked like the bat from fern gully.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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