I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
