i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
