Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
false alarm, still single
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
