So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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