I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it glows. i had to have it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
