whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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