And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
