haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
