She announced her abortion via fbk
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
