you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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