He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wish my penis had an off switch
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
