I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
