Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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