dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
