Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
