No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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