Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
